Whereas 20-somethings can be immature, you’re perfect. You’ve come into her life as she’s looking for a long-term partner. Perhaps dudes in their 20s just aren’t serious contenders, but you are. By nature of being her age and more or less in the same stage of your life, you’re considered marriage material. You’ve got your shit together, aren’t in loads of student debt, don’t live with Mom and Dad, and vacation to places other than Myrtle Beach and Vegas.
Here’s what you need to know about dating in your 30s, according to licensed counselor Shanta Jackson, M.A., LPC, and relationship coach Kingsley Moyo. However, dating gets a bit more convoluted once we get into our 30s. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. Below are the rules for dating in your late 20s and 30s. So, what can you do with this information now that you have a bit more insight into dating in your 30s as a man?
Along with not settling, means letting go of expectations. Not your priorities and deal-breakers— those are important— but the idea that your life and your future partner need to look a certain way. Navigating the multifaceted world of dating in your 30s can feel overwhelming.
Superficial things don’t impress you
Think of your interests and hobbies and make like Columbus and get your search on. Not only is life different from your early 20’s to your late 20’s — but so is dating. Everything you thought you knew about dating changes as you get older. Things that might seem like nothing when you were younger https://onlinedatingcritic.com/nextlove-review/ and more carefree, are big red flags as you get older. There are different dating rules because the name of the dating game has changed. Instead of approaching the dating pool with a looks-first or looks-only attitude, men start to look more for substance, quality, and sustainability.
However, instead of thinking you’re behind in life or questioning your self-worth, TikTok has a trend that speaks directly to those feeling like a “late bloomer.” If you’re looking for a long-term partner in crime, there are a variety of dating apps for serious relationships that are a great way to meet like-minded women. Some of us were beginning to wonder if our plans for marriage and family would ever pan out. They may have felt an even greater weight, as they were the ones expected to initiate these intentional dating relationships.
Is dating in your 30s harder?
Constant communication might also be difficult when you’re so used to being an independent single unit. Fortunately for me, I got with someone who also was experiencing all of this for the first time, and the result was us not only moving in half-speed, but moving in slow motion while on horse tranquilizers. It was embarrassing, because I realized how thick headed I (and so many of my friends) had been, not even realizing we might be making someone we care about uncomfortable. Just because you’re in your late 20s— and because you haven’t dated before— doesn’t mean you have to settle. You don’t need to think the first person you click with is the one or your only shot. Insecurities can grow if you’re single for a long time, but you don’t need to give into them.
Maybe online dating isn’t for you, maybe active dates work better than drinking dates, maybe you want your friends to help set you up. But don’t be afraid to find what works for you, what makes it fun for you, and stick to that. Sometimes we continue dating someone because we believe they’ll be a great partner one day, whether that’s when they’re less stressed out, or when they finally get a job, or when they learn to be less defensive. Some psychologists refer to this as creating fantasy bonds.
Dating in your early 20s can be awkward for pretty much everyone, and you’re definitely not alone when it comes to having trouble with women in your early 20s. Right now, you have just entered the real world of adulting, and there’s no reason to rush from college to settling down. It’s also a good idea to ask your circle of friends if they participate in any adult sports leagues. If they do, you won’t have to worry about going into the first day not knowing anyone.
Several people of both genders mentioned deal breakers like, “they can’t be a slob,” “they need a fulfilling career or at least a hobby they enjoy,” or “they can’t live in a house with more than one other roommate.” A couple of years after my divorce, I bought a vibrator that I use maybe once a month for both clitoral stimulation and vaginal insertion. I like it and reach orgasm easily that way, but I don’t feel the need to use it more often. I tend to advise my clients to date women that are no more than 10 years your junior.
Luckily, this trend combats that mindset and helps to remind women that every path looks unique. A 2017 Stanford study showed that 39% of all heterosexual relationships that started that year did so online. Like I said, there are exceptions to every rule, and just because there can be some disadvantages to dating women who are younger or in your age range doesn’t mean you should avoid them.